things are nt getting better
today lesson was normal ya...ya cry again just dun noe why can control so just cry lo ya nt bcos wanna sabo you but is your own thinking ok....cry until gt sore throats sad but anyway thanks buddy dun need buy any honey drinks for me i will be better soon after a few days..ya did nt go recess cos no appetite ya...ya stomach pain better le...but was hurting this morning...ya...anyway ya things was nt any better...im still hurt ya..anyway i did nt blame anyone.. and i did nt even plan to blame you anymore...ya at the first place i did nt even blame you but just telling you so dun think the negative way pls......ya after school when eat lunch then head to somewhere ya margaret and ming yuan thanks for your company im much better dun worry abt me...ya shared all my sorrow with margaret and ming yuan and "someone" ya feeling better....thks...will be strong de...someone told me maybe is my expectation too high ya...she oso say maybe i have to be patience and carry on my journey but nt let this problems stop me...anyway i really wan to thank her for the listening ear...she have be a great help to me and her words are really helpful, meaningful and touching...hoping things will be better in a couple days time....sorry peoples if i have ignore you or vent my anger on you all in class today im sorry....pls understand me...thanks
to her ~ all i wan say is on my post entries le....i noe tat both of us are very hurt by the post entries but anyway i gt to say this i dun wish to hurt you anymore deeply....maybe wat i shld do now is to be myself and concentrate on my studies for N level cos it have been pass few days i did nt study cos of this problems and i even hardly comcetrate on my studies in class and even during lesson time le....ya i admit is my fault too...and i will listen to the "somebody" tat is willing to listen my sorrows who told me this "be patience"...i dun wish anyone will get hurt anymore hope things will be fine soon after all the apologise we both have made to one another...ya i noe we both have enough hurt le and even problems coming our way...so i dun wish to hurt anyone anymore all i can say is try to be myself from today on....maybe i shld nt blame you at the first cos if u think everything i do is wrong then say watever you wan...since we have be frens for 4 and the half year hope things will be fine soon and hope we can learn to forgive and forget....ya....i noe its hard to accept the facts but im facing it too so we all must be strong to carry on this journey and nt give up...i told you before must preserve on no matter wat....right? i noe you are hurt too i understand but im hurt oso..cos we are both facing the same problem..ya i will give you time to think abt it and i will be patience and think abt it too....but now you are nt at my side and no more your support le is like a have something tat is precious and i have kept for abt 5 years and now its gone its really very hard to accept but i have no choice but to face it myself or just keep in my heart forever......and i oso did nt say u r a failure fren to me....being with you is my best choice i nvr regret but now something crop up its really very hard to accept....ok i admit is my wild thinking again and i am the one who is lousy not you(i say myself de)...i have two choice to choose is neither i give up nor carry on to wait and be patience but my choice was carry on to wait and be patience so i hope i have make the correct choice....i hope it will nt disappoint me and you...ok tat's all i wan to say le anyway take care....be strong and preserve on....if this frenship is nt worth it what for i cry??...if you think i be with ming yuan is better then go ahead and think watever u wan...im sick now and im very tired too....and even gt many problem ahead to help to solve it...im really tired...
but if you think u need sometime to think abt it and rest then i will carry on to wait and no matter wat if u think its time to patch back then just tell me or give me a call i will always welcome you back to be my best fren de...i will nvr blame you again....or blame you for this problem....actually nvr blame u at all....is bcos i was really hurt tat time tat why i say all the hurting words....sorry...i wanna patch back with u de but u say dun care abt u so i dun dare to care abt you le if nt later u angry im really in trouble...sad....
ming yuan and someone ~ thks for the accompany and sharing all my problems with three of you is making me feeling better...thks but im trying to promise ur all ok i will be strong...i will change too but pls give me sometime....
mummy ~ thks for your comfort i will be strong and wont disappoint u and daddy de...i promise tat i will be strong....i will always pray to god for help de dun worry i will be fine soon...
~ if anyone gt arts nite tickets tat wanna sell pls tell me....thanks...
IM STRONG
BEING PATIENCE AND I WILL PRESERVE ON...
I DUN NOE WHO IS RIGHT OR WRONG???
(if anyone noe pls tell me)
Like wat someone told me this if one of us dun apologise or take a step then we will nvr patch anymore...its really hurt you noe...u are making me suffer each day....one fine day when im too over stress or sick maybe i will end up in the hospital.....pls dun come or what when bad things have started dun ever regretted cos maybe this is ur wish....wanna apologise to u and say sorry to u, u reject me...im sick and tired u noe....i have been waiting for the answer for abt 3 days....now you like things to be like this fine i have enough one day i will soon left this world and left you and nvr come back....everyone has it own limits.....you think la if u were me how will you feel..just bcos of this matter everything bad happen....do you think its unfair to me....nvm since u dun feel bad or guilty jus say whatever you wan... ya dun care then dun care im really very sick and tired le.....im ending in the hospital soon.....if u think this will make u feel better then let it be...since you seem so good with them then just be with them forever and forget this frenship bcos this frenship is wat u say dun care le...i hate it....yuo think now i still gt the mood to study...i jus dun wanna disappoint my "good" fren and family down but i think i will....forget it....maybe this is how u think of me long ago le.....yuo have really disappoint me.....you are no longer the "person" i noe......it hurt deeply.....just one fine day i will be dead forever...just hope tat day will come soon....just wish tat im nt ard anymore...i hate it....you dun undersatnd my feeling now....maybe its really time...to leave this world....im sick and tired of living...everyday hurt me more....without fail everyday i go home i will surely cry....i sick and tired le....amybe really me nt in your life you seem happy....ya im foolish and stubborn watever you think dun need to comfort me to work hard when time has come i will leave sooner...dun worry...wait till im nt in this class anymore dun cry or feel sad for me ...im dead.....now u rae happiest seeing me like this right then i will let u be happiest ok....ya yuo think dun care dun care evrything will be SOLVE then fine with me.....ok shall stop here....
but did you ever told me you are nt angry or wat???did you?? ya la you alwys think is your fault tat go ahead bah...you say dun care abt you so what if i die or nt you no need say until so gd ok....yuo dun even wanna talk to me...im try to be strong but what happen??? ya is all my fault....things will be bad when im there....im sick..i hate it....but did you ever told me tat u have forgive me and we are normal fren le did u??? i did nt show temoer or anything in msn but i was moody cant u just understand?? cant u....why u alwys think im saboing you....why??? did u ever told me things nicely??? did u??? everytime think is your fault fine .....just pretend tat you dun and forever nvr have a fren like me....i hate it....=( sorry mum and dad if i have make your sad sorry...and sorry ming yuan if i have make u cry so sorry=( if you think tat think shld be enemy tat whatever you say....btw ho i noe whether you have accept my apologies...? i msg you and call you u nvr answer or reply my msg and now you think everyone is blaming you but i have to say this now is nt you be blame is me...i noe u are angry but what did i did wrong tat u are like this??? why everyone is like picking on me now....you say u are angry then u noe how i feel when i say all the hurting words abt you...you noe i will always cry when i ever i hurt you, yuo noe....i noe im thick skin ya...all i noe i care abt me...you always think tat i wan die and go hospital but i have no choice you noe....i hate everything now...i aheb enough problems le sick and ever tired......every nite cant sleep well cant eat well cant study too im tired of living....if im wat u think then go ahead bah....im sorry if i have hurt you.....ya all i noe is die and hospital ya im a foolish you always think tat fine...ya now everyone is blaming me and leaving fine i will have nothing left.....watever you wan to take it to your heart go take bah and do yuo noe all you hurting words is stuck in my heart forever tat why i cry....im tired..=(sad
.i have to say this:
IM WRONG!!!!
IM FOOLISH AND STUBBORN!!!
IM THE BAD ONE NT YOU!!
TIRED OF LIVING!!!
HATE MY LIFE EVEN DEEPLY!!!
SICK AND TIRED LE!!!
YA PUSH ALL THE BLAME TO ME PLS!!!
YA U THINK WATEVER U WANNA SAY!!!
DUN CARE THEN DUN CARE LE!!
Labels: things dun seem to get better
